'Hack' your money psychology

Spending too much money? Tempted by sales? These money psychology hacks’ can help.

After every big event like Christmas, Easter, a wedding, big anniversary, etc., there is a post-event sales period. Kids going back to school for example, your kids getting married or even study fees has left your wallet gasping for breath, while everything else just keeps getting more expensive.

If you haven't already seen your spending go up, the possibility is looming – and you probably have some concerns about spending your money wisely. Furthermore, shopping can be a harrowing experience, and our attitudes towards money are tied up in all kinds of feelings.

Based on psychology, here are three tips to improve the way you spend your hard-earned cash these days.

Before the purchase: Patience is your friend.

One of the amazing features of the human mind is that we can mentally time travel: we can imagine what the future is going to feel like. Scientists call this 'affective forecasting'.

Thinking about a future trip – imagining the warm sun, the sand between your toes, finding yourself smiling – is an example of such mental time travel.

However, it turns out that we're not very good at effective forecasting. We get wrong not only the emotions we will experience, but also their intensity and duration. Lottery winners are a classic example. Contrary to expectations, many are not happy, or not happy for long.

More importantly, you can derive happiness from just anticipating future experiences. For example, one study measured the happiness of 974 people going on a trip compared with 556 people not going on a trip. As you might expect, the holiday-makers were relatively happier but only before the trip.

So, how can we take advantage of our capacity to mentally time travel?

Tip 1: Pay now, consume later.

These days, fueled by the rise of 'buy now, pay later' options (we all know PayFlex, Pay-Just-No, right?)  we get to consume what we want immediately. However, this instant gratification deprives us of a key source of happiness: anticipation. Side-stepping the anticipation while saving for something big, is the price we pay for instant gratification.

A better strategy is to commit to buy something... and then wait a while before actually consuming it.

At the point of purchase: Notice that you're paying

An inevitability of every purchase is spending money. This represents a cost, both in terms of the monetary value as well as the opportunity to buy other things.

Costs are a form of loss, and we don't like losing things. For that reason, it psychologically hurts to spend money. Scientists call this the 'pain of paying'.

According to one theory of shopping, we decide to buy after making a mental calculation: is the anticipated pleasure of consuming higher than the anticipated pain of buying?

This calculus is even represented in the brain. For example, one study looking at people's brains with MRI while they purchased food found neural activity in areas linked to higher-order, affective pain processing, which correlated with how high the price was.

How did you pay for your last meal? Did you have to dig into your wallet or purse trying to extract the appropriate combination of notes and coins? Maybe you simply pulled out a plastic card and tapped it on the reader? Or perhaps you absentmindedly touched your smartphone to the machine.

It turns out that your method of payment changes how much pain you feel. In one study, researchers asked some university employees if they would like to buy a mug at a discounted price. Half were only allowed to pay in cash, whereas the other half had to use a debit or credit card. Those who paid in cash self-reported more pain of paying.

So, how can you use this to your advantage?

Tip 2: Ramp up the pain.

If you're worried about overspending, ramp up the pain of paying. You can do this by using cash or receiving a notification each time money leaves your account.

After the purchase: Stop chasing rainbows

A fundamental feature of human beings is that we are adaptive-we easily get used to the new normal. This applies to our purchases, too. Scientists call it 'hedonic adaptation": over time, consumption of the same thing brings decreasing happiness.

Remember the day you got your smartphone? You may have felt joy as you caressed the smooth aluminium back and watched light glint off the unblemished glass. Now look at your phone. What happened to the joy?

It's normal to experience hedonic adaptation. However, one problem is that we don't anticipate it.

Remember affective forecasting? Since satisfaction is a function of expectations relative to performance, when we fail to adjust our expectations in light of the inevitable hedonic adaptation, we end up dissatisfied.

The second problem with hedonic adaptation is that the obvious solution appears to be buying something new. Maybe you need a new smartphone to replace your slightly scratched-up old one?

If this is your thinking, you've just hopped onto the hedonic treadmill. Now the only way to maintain your happiness is to spend more and more money to get better and better versions of everything.

So, how can you get off this treadmill?

Tip 3: Buy experiences, not things.

It turns out that people end up happier when they buy experiences rather than things.

For example, a study that tracked how older adults spent their money found that only one category of spending was related to happiness: leisure purchases, such as going on trips, seeing a movie at the cinema, and cheering at sporting events.

One reason for this is that we adapt to purchases of experiences more slowly than purchases of material things.

So, the next time you're tossing up between buying tickets to a festival or getting the latest gadget, pick up your scratched-up smartphone and pre-purchase some festival tickets for you and your friends.

8 ways to discover your ‘why’

 

Let your passions and values signpost your sense of purpose, and be the catalyst for lasting change. Heidi Scrimgeour explores…

Have you ever tried to adopt a new habit by force of will, only to feel like a failure when you later accept that you haven’t followed through? It’s an all-too-familiar pattern to me, and one that often follows a declaration of intention to create change in our lives. It’s why costly gym memberships often go unused, and why so many New Year’s resolutions fade before January is even over. But a process commonly called ‘finding your why’ can reportedly help to turn resolutions into habits, and turn habits into life transformation.

‘Your why is basically the reason you do what you do – why you get up in the morning, why you work to earn money, why you keep trying when things look hopeless,’ explains psychologist Nova Cobban. ‘Your why is your internal motivation, and it is tied to your values and your identity.’

With any goal, keep asking the question ‘why’ until you can go no further, advises Georgie Shears. ‘This technique can help break through surface-level motivations and get right to the heart of why you really want to achieve that goal’

Here are eight ways to discover exactly what it is that fuels you. 

1. Notice what you’re naturally good at

Everyone has something they seem to be great at without even trying. Recognising these things is a great guide to what you easily flow with. Not only will this give you a lovely confidence boost, but it will also guide you in a direction that could lead to really fulfilling work and a meaningful life.

2. Get Outside

Go for walks, runs, dog walks or bike rides. Moving our bodies in the calm and quiet can be surprisingly revealing. Being out in nature helps you to shift stale, stagnant energy and shed daily stressors, helping you to reconnect with your inner self and making it much easier to tap into your why.

 3. Recall times of joy

Think back to some of your most joyful memories. What were you doing? Why was it so joyful? These are the activities and experiences that obviously resonate with your inner self, and they can really help point you toward your why.

4. Visualise success

Imagine a future where you feel successful and content. What are you doing? Who are you with? What impact are you making? These visions are an incredibly reliable guide to your deeper goals and aspirations.

 5. Define your values

Get clear on what’s most important to you in life. Whether it’s honesty, creativity, or connection, understanding your values is a big step in aligning your life with your personal truth, anchoring to your why.

6. Consider your legacy

Think about the mark you want to leave on the world. How do you want to be remembered? This will provide a clear view of what truly matters to you.

 7. Ask big questions

Take the time for some honest soul-searching. What would you do if you weren’t afraid of the ‘what ifs’? What would you do if money, time, or any other resources were no obstacle? 

 8. Reflect on pivotal life moments

Really look into any pivotal points in your life. What choices did you make, and why? Understanding your past decisions during times of change can be really informative.

How to set boundaries: 8 tips for success

It can be hard to know how to set boundaries, let alone maintain a boundary with a friend, family member or colleague. Try these tips.

Refusing to accept certain behaviours is an act of self-love, but it’s also perfectly possible to communicate your needs with kindness and compassion. Heidi Scrimgeour explains how to set boundaries with people who are close to you.

Lately, social media is awash with assertive reminders that it’s ok to set boundaries with people, or even to unapologetically walk away from anyone who disrespects your boundaries. But in practice, it can be hard to know how to set boundaries, let alone maintain a boundary with a friend, family member or colleague.

After all, do you need to verbalise a boundary or do unspoken ones count? How do you let someone know that they’ve breached a boundary – without sounding like a dictator? And what about when someone breezily claims they’re setting a boundary but it looks more like justifying unkind behaviour?

‘The word “boundary” almost implies putting a protective barrier between yourself and others,’ agrees women’s empowerment coach, Katie Philips. ‘It has a defensive energy and I think a lot of people mis-use boundaries as a way to push others away. In fact, setting a boundary is less about shutting others out and more about knowing what you need and loving yourself enough to ask for support in receiving that.’

Recently, I found myself having to become an expert on the topic and spelling out boundaries in two different sets of close relationships. Other people’s actions had disrupted my wellbeing in profound ways and I realised I had to communicate that I was not willing to accept certain behaviours.

I was surprised by how uncomfortable I felt about speaking up for myself, but also relieved at how smoothly the conversations went. My needs were acknowledged, both people were apologetic about the damage done, and we moved forward with bonds restored. But it’s not always so straightforward. Here are 8 things it helps to know about setting and maintaining boundaries.

1.   BOUNDARIES REQUIRE KNOWING WHAT YOU NEED

The first step towards setting a boundary is usually reconnecting with yourself. ‘The invitation to put a boundary in place implies you know what you need and want; the boundary ring fences the time and space for you to receive that,’ says Katie Phillips. ‘But so many women are in the habit of taking care of others to the extent that they are disconnected from their own wants and needs. Often, just the thought of connecting with their own desires sparks guilt. ‘Who am I to have what I want’ or ‘It’s selfish to put myself first’ are common thoughts I hear from women I work with.’

Katie recommends a daily practice to begin building the muscle of knowing yourself. Every morning, check in with how you feel and what you need. ‘The answer could be very practical – like hiring an accountant to help with your taxes to reduce your worry and overwhelm – or it could be a self-care practice – like an early night or a massage to combat exhaustion,’ Katie explains. ‘If an early night is required, the boundary might be letting your family know that you would like their help with clearing up dinner so that you can take a bath and go to bed earlier.’

2. BOUNDARIES ARE LOVING, NOT PUNITIVE

Another way to look at the word ‘boundary’ is to consider it as a ‘fiercely loving’ way to ring fence what you need according to Katie. ‘For example, a boundary could be blocking time in your diary every morning from 7:30 – 08:00 to stretch or from 12:00 – 13:00 for a walk at lunchtime so that meetings cannot be added to that time slot. Some people even put ‘meeting with myself’ in their diary to ensure ‘me time’ cannot be taken over by other people’s needs.’

3.   BOUNDARIES CAN START SMALL

 

Business coach Catrin MacDonnell recommends starting small if you’re new to setting boundaries, since making big changes isn’t easy. ‘Think about aspects of work and home life where you feel ‘put upon’ or as though others might take advantage of you,’ she says. ‘If there are times when people speak to you disrespectfully or situations where you’re always the one who picks up jobs no-one else wants to do, work through each scenario and ask yourself what boundary you could put in place to stop it happening.’

Perhaps you’re always the one who organises birthday gifts. Ask yourself why this is and whether you could suggest that people take it in turns. ‘Try suggesting alternatives in a positive and constructive way,’ adds Catrin. ‘You may think this is the least of your problems but by asserting yourself here, you’re starting the ball rolling for bigger things. Little by little you will be putting boundaries in place.’

4. SAYING NO IS INTEGRAL TO SETTING BOUNDARIES

What makes many people so uncomfortable about setting boundaries is the fact that they require us to say no. But being able to say you won’t do something is essential if you want to have a balanced life and stay away from being stressed and overwhelmed, according to Catrin.

She recommends identifying a scenario where you could say no more often. It might be something that happens frequently, such as people constantly interrupting you to ask questions. ‘Think of a phrase that you feel comfortable saying by way of reply, such as ‘I have a lot on my plate right now – I’d like to arrange a catch-up with you to work on these questions at another time,’ she says. ‘Then when you have the catch up, you can explain that you’d like them to save their questions for the agreed times. This is not always possible, of course, but when it works well, they’ll start to work out some of the answers themselves and reduce the amount of questions they have for you.’

5. BOUNDARIES REQUIRE DETERMINATION

Having healthy boundaries in place can transform your work and home life. You’ll feel clearer, more in control and probably less stressed or overwhelmed. But you’ll need to be assertive and determined, and willing to communicate your boundaries clearly to others – something they may need time to get used to. ‘You’ll also need to be pretty determined as the role you’ve been playing as helper / people pleaser is how you’re likely to be known,’ adds Catrin. ‘People don’t like change, generally, but if you stick with it, they’ll soon get used to the new you.’

6.   SETTING BOUNDARIES ISN’T EASY

‘When people find it difficult to set and communicate their boundaries, it can be because feelings of guilt or even selfishness arise,’ says Somia Zaman, a psychotherapist specialising in  Cognitive Based Therapy.

‘You may be concerned that you might hurt someone’s feelings when you set a line, or even that you may be rejected. But these difficult feelings are only coming up because you are doing something new. Once you start setting boundaries, it will get easier with time.’

Somia recommends reflecting on the rules or boundaries that would benefit you in your life. ‘Try writing down your rules and even rehearse telling them to people, or at least imagine yourself telling people your boundaries,’ she says.

7. BOUNDARIES AREN’T ABOUT SHUTTING PEOPLE OUT

It can help to think about boundaries as ‘personal lines’ that you draw around yourself. But they’re not about excluding people or shutting them out of your life. ‘Healthy boundary setting is more about paying attention to what you need rather than issuing a blanket no to the needs of other people,’ explains Somia.

‘Boundaries are there to protect you and allow you to live a healthy and balanced lifestyle. Boundaries may be physical (don’t stand so close to me), emotional (the right to not always share your feelings), intellectual (showing respect for different views) or financial (a couple having separate bank accounts). Common examples of boundaries include not answering work emails out of hours, asking housemates not to go in your room when you are not there, or telling a partner not to raise their voice at you.’

8. PEOPLE NEED TO BE REMINDED OF REMINDERS

The key to maintaining your boundaries is to keep reminding other people of them. If you have recently set some new boundaries, it will take time and some repetition for them to stick in others’ minds.

‘Continuing to stick to your own boundaries is important in other people respecting them, and if you consistently enforce your own rules then others are more likely to start to respect them,’ explains Somia. ‘Be very clear about specifically what your boundaries mean. Don’t say ‘I need more space’ – instead try ‘I don’t always like to hold hands when we are walking down the street’.

Of course, the nature of boundaries is such that they will more than likely be tested and even breached from time to time. When this happens, gently remind others of exactly what your boundaries are and how they have overstepped them, advises Somia. ‘Tell them how this has affected you and politely remind them that you’d like them to respect your boundaries in future.’

Non-dominant hand-writing therapy

Try this non-dominant hand writing therapy technique for a fresh perspective on your life and troubles, advises writing columnist, author and coach Jackee Holder...

"When I need to find new ways of looking at something or I feel stuck, I try non-dominant hand writing therapy. I simply switch my pen to my left hand, write with my non-dominant writing hand and let new thoughts emerge."

Art therapist Lucia Capacchione’s longitudinal work confirms that writing with your non-dominant hand helps stress and anxiety. It is also a great way to access the voice of your inner child. You can even use the process to gain insight into relationship dynamics and can go as far as alleviating some physical pain.

Latent insight from your non-dominant hand

The practice of writing with the hand you don’t normally use is straightforward but don’t be fooled by its simplicity. Anita* arrived at a coaching session stressing about her partner and the impact of them both being forced to work from home in a small flat. I invited her to write this out as the question she wanted answers to using her dominant hand.

Switching her pen over to her non-dominant writing hand, I guided Anita to write a response to her question. I reminded her to keep going even if it felt awkward and slow, and to take her time and trust what might emerge. Seconds later, there were tears streaming down her face. The large, childlike writing that filled two pages of her notebook as her answer told a different story from the one her dominant writing hand was familiar with writing and asking.

Your non-dominant hand and the right side of the brain

Capacchione believes that the non-dominant writing hand is connected to the right hemisphere of the brain. By writing with your non-dominant hand, you are accessing territory beyond your rational and linear thoughts. If you are right-handed, you are using your left hand to be in right mind, and vice versa if you are left-handed.

When you use both hands, you are boosting both hemispheres of the brain. More becomes available to you when you bring both hemispheres together through writing with both hands. The power of writing with the other hand is symbolic to working with a tuning fork on the page: a reminder that the mind that holds the problem also holds the solution.

Non-dominant hand writing therapy

Follow these simple steps to stimulate the right hemisphere of your brain and discover latent insights through non-dominant hand writing therapy…

1.       Think about a problem that is causing you trouble, then write it down as a question using your dominant hand.

2.     Next, switch the pen or pencil to your non-dominant writing hand for this part of the therapy.

3.    With your non-dominant hand at the ready, write down a response to your earlier question.

4.    This will probably feel slow and awkward. However, as you persevere, you’re likely to come up with new thoughts and ideas that can help you to solve your problem.

5.    Next, why not try writing with both your dominant hand and your non-dominant hand at the same time? This will access both the right and left brain hemispheres, helping you to see problems from all perspectives.

 

8 ways to feel calmer quickly

Everything feeling a little too much? Here are our expert tips on how to quickly calm yourself down when you need it most.

We’ve all had moments where things seem to get on top of us all at once, and stress suddenly feels too much to handle. In times like these, knowing how to lower those stress levels and calm ourselves down is crucial.

In order to access calm speedily, you need to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, says Calm Coach Gabrielle Trainor. ‘This tells our brains and body that we’re not in immediate danger and can come out of survival mode, which lowers heart rate and blood pressure, and relaxes the muscles.’

Try these simple techniques when you want to switch off the stress response in an instant…

Perfect your posture

Simply changing your posture and body language can directly impact how you feel. If you want to feel calm and confident, practise looking like you are – open-chested, head up, back straight.

When we’re stressed or worried, we tend to hunch and make ourselves smaller, which constricts our breathing, making us feel more panicked.

Write it down

A journal is one of the easiest ways to improve self-awareness, because you can look back at what you were feeling at a certain time, in your own words, and notice the things you’ve worried about, and reflect on how they turned out.

The simple act of writing it down also helps to stop rumination, leaving you feeling calmer.

Feel all the feels

Try making a playlist of songs that make you feel a whole range of emotions – from happiness and excitement to sadness and longing.

‘Use these different songs to help you become more comfortable with the array of emotions that you feel, so that when they come up at other times, you’re less uncomfortable with them,’ says Dr Meg Arroll.

Exhale your worries

This easy breathing exercise will make you feel calmer after just a few breaths. First, notice where you can feel your breath most clearly enter and leave your body – it could be your nose, your chest, or your stomach.

Focus on that place and try to breathe a little more deeply into that spot, and to slow it down. ‘When we’re tense, we breathe using only the top of our lungs, and when we’re scared, we can gulp in air, so make sure you’re fully exhaling as well as inhaling,’ says Treanor.

If it helps you to focus, you can breathe in for a count of four and breathe out to a count of six. As you breathe, try visualising that you’re inhaling calm and exhaling worry.

Let nostalgia soothe you

The things that remind you of times when you’ve felt safe and happy can help bring you back to a calmer place again. Dr Arroll recommends playing music, looking at photos, seeking out smells, or reading an old diary.

You can also practise making a memory in the moment by noticing as many details, emotions and sensations as you can while you’re experiencing something. Make a compliments jar Every time someone gives you a compliment, jot it down on a piece of paper and pop it in a jar.

‘You could also write down qualities you like about yourself, or ask a loved one what they value in you,’ says Dr Arroll. ‘Think about minor achievements, too – finishing a piece of work, tackling a difficult conversation.’

When you’re having a tough day, close your eyes and grab a compliment to brighten your mood and build your confidence.

Go to your happy place

Picture in your mind a place that represents beauty and peace. Experience everything you can about this place (the colours, sounds, and smells), and enjoy the tranquillity it brings you.

Choose a word that you associate with this safe place – maybe ‘calm’ or ‘joy’ or ‘peace’, or something else of your choice. Say the word out loud a few times. Finally, tap each thigh alternately with your hands in a slow rhythm for about 20–30 seconds.

‘This is a technique called bilateral stimulation,’ says Owen O’Kane. ‘Your imagination has gone to a calm place and your chosen word reinforces that. The act of tapping is a further physical reinforcer, which sends a message to your brain that you don’t need to be in “threat mode” anymore. The tapping rhythm creates a sense of ease and facilitates the grounded feeling.’

Scroll through your senses

‘When you focus your attention on something real and in the moment, it brings you out of the thoughts that are spinning through your head when you’re overwhelmed,’ says Treanor.

To do this, scroll through your senses by naming (out loud or silently to yourself) one thing you can see, one thing you can hear, and one thing you can touch, feel, and taste. Do this again and keep scrolling through your senses, naming one thing at a time.”

Is it time to befriend your inner critic?

Is the negative voice inside your head holding you back in life by filling you with self-doubt? It might be time to befriend it.

The most important conversations we have each day are the ones we have with ourself. Each one of us has an inner voice that runs through our head during every waking hour; it’s part of ‘the verbal working memory system’, and it’s a crucial element of cognitive tasks such as language processing and reasoning.

Most of the time, it’s useful, supportive, and concerned for your safety. Sometimes it behaves like a personal assistant, organising your thoughts, solving problems, or reminding you to do things. Other times, it can act as your own personal cheerleader, providing you with the support and confidence to make bold and dramatic moves. It can even be an ever-present nurturing parent, protecting you from danger.

But, sometimes, it becomes critical, fixating on painful emotions and reliving moments of embarrassment. And, unfortunately, that’s when you hear it the loudest; it can be hard to turn off, filling you with self-doubt, eating away at your confidence, and preventing you from reaching your full potential. When it gets out of control, it can cause havoc with your performance, decision-making, relationships, happiness, and health.

Jess Baker, psychologist, explains further: ‘Everyone has an inner critic, but some are more sensitive to theirs than others,’ she says. ‘And when there is more risk of failure, such as starting a new job or a new relationship, the volume of the inner critic increases and similar themes emerge: not trusting ourself to make the best decision (which can lead to procrastination); negative appraisal of our appearance (“I wish my nose was smaller”); harshly judging our personal qualities (“I should be a better friend”); and belittling our lifestyle (“I should be earning more”).’

Sound familiar? When you stop to think about it, you may recognise your inner critic as a perfectionist (‘Try harder’), or a taskmaster (‘You’re so lazy’). Perhaps it’s an underminer (‘Don’t even try, because you’ll fail anyway’), a guilt-tripper (‘How could you have done that?’), or a conformist (‘What will other people think?’). Or maybe it’s a controller (‘You have no willpower’), or a destroyer (‘You’re worthless’).

Your inner critic can be pretty harsh, so it’s no wonder we wish it would shut up at times – but it’s tenacious, and taps into our most damaging thought processes, such as black-and-white thinking, over-generalisation, disqualifying the positive, self-blame, and catastrophising. Although there’s nothing we can do to stop those thoughts popping into our heads altogether, we do have control over how we engage in them, how we work with them, how we manipulate them, and how we control them once they are activated. Instead of trying to silence your chatter, you can educate it, motivate it, and reason with it.

 

‘Don’t try to fight with your inner critic,’ says integrative arts psychotherapist Emma Cameron. ‘Yes, it limits you. Yes, it hurts you and makes you feel terrible. But when you try to tame, silence, squash or master it, you may be just making it stronger. Instead, try thinking in terms of befriending it, guiding it, calming it, and gently transforming it.’

The good news is that there are lots of ways to do that, from creating a more compassionate mindset, to stepping back and thinking about your situation more objectively. The first step is to get curious, and it all starts with understanding where the voice is coming from. Next time you feel like your inner critic might be in operation, try tuning into some of the things that it says to you. What sorts of things does your inner critic tell you that you can’t do? Or shouldn’t do? Or aren’t capable of? Or don’t deserve? What sort of person does your inner critic say you are? What does your inner critic have to say about how other people see you?

What’s the tone of your inner critic like? Is it cold, sarcastic, nagging, belittling, mean or demanding? How about the volume? Do you feel as if you have someone inside your head shouting demands at you?

With all this going on, it can easily become overwhelming, making it hard for us to concentrate and make rational decisions. ‘When this happens, we need to find ways to distance ourselves from the heat and snippiness of the inner critic,’ says Cameron.

Stepping back from your mental echo chamber allows you to gain a broader, calmer, and more objective perspective, and when you distance yourself, you are able to be less emotionally triggered, less stressed mentally and physically, and you make better judgments and decisions.

One widely successful technique is speaking to yourself in the third person. This flips a switch in your head and creates an immediate emotional distance by altering your perspective. We are often better at giving guidance to other people struggling with something emotional than we are at giving it to ourselves, so this puts you in a better position to start offering yourself much wiser advice. To make this easier, Cameron recommends giving your inner critic a name, which allows you to move the chatter from ‘inner monologue’ to ‘inner dialogue’ and you can begin to have conversations with your critic that counter its negativity.

‘When you imagine the voice is no longer in your head but belongs to a persona you’ve created, it’s easier to question what it’s saying,’ adds Baker. ‘Learning to interrupt your inner critic is essential. It’s the only way you are going to be able to regain any control over it and reclaim your headspace.’

So, when you hear your inner critic saying things like ‘You’re such a failure’ or ‘No one loves you’, ask for evidence that this is true. Often, there is little proof to support this negative self-talk, and by questioning it, you can begin to break the cycle by hitting back with facts. You could even try hoarding evidence of your successes: list the things you’re good at and keep them close to hand for the times you need to counter your inner critic with positivity.

Baker also suggests turning your inner critic on its head. ‘Try swapping the negative words for self-confident affirmations,’ she says. ‘Change “I don’t feel successful” to “I deserve to feel successful”, or even “I am successful”. It might feel icky to say this at first, but try it anyway, because there’s magic (backed by science) in hearing yourself say positive feedback out loud in this way. As the brain begins to believe it, you will begin to feel it.

But it’s not just what your inner critic says – how it says it matters, too. Most of us are guilty of being harder on ourselves than we are on others, and we wouldn’t dream of saying the things we let our inner critic get away with to a friend.

‘It’s really important to work on building self-compassion,’ says Cameron. ‘Change your relationship with failure. Instead of seeing it as a terrible thing to have made a mistake, work on being more realistic, and recognise that failure is a common, normal experience that happens to us all from time to time. Don’t pin your self-worth on “only succeeding”; instead, allow yourself to be what you actually are — a wonderful, flawed human who is worthy of love and respect even when you mess up.’

For most of us, our inner critic will be around in some shape or form for the rest of our lives. It’s a part of who we are, and although there doesn’t seem to be a magic bullet for switching it off, with the techniques you now have in your toolbox – and a little practice – you’ll soon move beyond the negative chatter in your head.